Free of a Life of Quiet Desperation

Because of who God is, He is able to cause all things "to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28, KJV).















Lie #1
You can't let anyone know. You can hide.
Lie #2
You can't be forgiven. We have to accept God's forgiveness, which comes through the cross of Christ, for our sin. If His grace is enough for any sin, it's enough for your sin.
Lie #3
You can't forgive others. This is an act of will, not of emotion or feeling, but an act of choice.
Lie #4
You can't ever be whole. You can't get past it, but you'll never be a whole person. In Christ, we are new creations. You can live as a saint, justified by God, made holy by God. God can restore to cleanness and freedom.
Lie #5
You can never be useful to God, fruitful. You can't be as fruitful if your goal is to cover. Share with anyone God would ask us to. Not to brag on the sin, but to brag on the Savior—to brag on the grace of God.

Don't resist the process God has you in--the healing, forgiving, cleansing, renewing process. Move onto wholeness and healing.

Lamentations 3
(v. 1-3) He has seen hopeless times, without light.
(v. 4-6) He is utterly destroyed, flesh and bone, consumed with endless bitterness and suffering. 
(v. 7-12) He is not answered for relief or escape. He is at the mercy and target of the one against him. 
(v. 13-18) He is shamed, mocked, mortally wounded. He lives in fear and does not remember better time. He has given up hope.
(v. 19-20) He is reminded of the suffering.
(v. 21) BUT... this is why he can still have hope.
(v. 22-24) God's love and mercy is steadfast and everlasting. He has all that we need.
(v. 25) God call us to wait on him and will bless those who seek him.
(v. 26-27) Wait quietly for God for discipline and training.
(v. 28-30) When there finally appears that there is no hope to come, yet have faith and trust in God and submit to the suffering.
(v. 31-33) God does not abandon forever. Though He may lead you through suffering and trials, he has compassion according to what He has called you to. It has purpose.
(v. 34-36) God does not approve of oppression or injustice.
(v. 37-39) Nothing happens beyond what God allows. He is in control. Who are we to question?
(v. 40-48) We must evaluate ourselves and return to God in heart and in body, confessing and acknowledging God as Lord.
(v. 49-54) Confess your heart to God.
(v. 55-66) Cry out to God, and remember His promises. Surrender to His sovereignty.

Bitterness and Perseverance

Revive Our Hearts: "For the Long Haul"

• Don't ever lose hope or faith, for He is faithful.
• God does not hold you accountable for his decisions. He will bless you regardless of his decisions. SO your happiness must be independent of any other person.
• "As his helper, his completer, I am to express my cautions, my concerns, my preferences. But He said, 'Let it fall to the ground like snow, and give God time to work.' ...the difference is, he doesn’t feel pressed to agree on the spot or even answer on the spot. That’s giving him the freedom to think and God the time and the freedom to work."
•  "I think it’s because men need [respect], in their wiring, and it’s the most unnatural thing for us to do. I think that’s why He tells us to do it, because it does not come naturally."

Romans 12
(v. 1) I must submit my whole being as a sacrifice as my spiritual worship. In my submission, I am worshiping.
(v. 2) I must TEST the Word/will of God, to  learn what is good, acceptable, and perfect.
(v. 3) I need to stop thinking highly of myself but soberly--in the light of God's judgment.
(v. 4-8) God has granted each one of us our own gifts and  we are to use them generously.
(v. 9) My love must be GENUINE.
(v. 10-11) I should focus on trying to "outdo" others in showing love and honor, as my service to God.
(v. 12) I need to rejoice in the hope give by God and be constantly praying.
(v. 14) Blessing others should not depend on how they treat me.
(v. 15) "Never be wise in your own sight."
(v. 17) I should aim to do what is right in everyone's eyes, meaning regardless of what they know my situation.
(v. 19) Let God judge.

Revive Our Hearts: "Making Choices to Persevere"

• Selfishness of choosing what's best for me rather letting God tell us.

Revive Our Hearts: "How Bitterness Can Lead to Impurity"

•  It’s important, at first, to identify the people who have wronged us.
• Then you want to make sure that your conscience is clear toward those people who are on your list.
• Then, take responsibility for your responses.

Help My Eyes to See

John 4
(v. 10) If we really knew who God was and what He could do, we would be asking Him for things that are everlasting...not just "water from a well."
(v. 13-14) The things we ask for, if He was to give us those things, would not end the long list of things we desire. Relationship with God and salvation satiate any desire for good. A relationship with God bears new life, new gifts, while the things we desire only serve to grow our appetite for earthly things.
(v. 16-18) Whatever we keep from God, he already knows. When we are too scared to tell Him everything, He already knows.
(v. 19-21) We are focusing again on the wrong things. It is not about the "right" things to do in worship or following God, but instead we should thing about reuniting with Him.
(v. 25-26) Would I recognize Him?
(v. 35) The harvest is ripe...what are we waiting for to do God's work?
(v. 38) We do not survive on our own labor, but we join in with the work that has already been done and that others are doing with us.
(v. 42) It is not by others' experience that we can be saved. We must have experience of God ourselves. We can't rely on the preaching of others to save us, to draw us to God. We must test and approve that faith on our own that we may experience and have our own salvation.
(v. 48) I'm looking too much for works of God than God Himself.
(v. 50) BELIEVE God's Word!
(v. 53) God does not ask us or demand that we believe blindly, but he is gracious to give us those signs we so desperately need in times of hardship to believe in Him. God help me to believe because I cannot see it.

God, faith is so hard. Especially in times of struggle, I desperately desire those signs to tell me that you are near and at work. My sight is so short that all I can ask for is relief of the current situations, but help me to see beyond, to you. Help me to desire you and not just for earthly relief. Help me to believe in your desire to give me the desires of my heart, as the father did for his dying son, but also to see the Giver behind these things. Help me not to rely on the urgings of others to seek you, to receive your peace and comfort. Help me to seek You out so that I may experience relationship with you myself. God, have mercy on this unbelieving and weak soul. Hear the cries of my heart, of those who cry for me, and help me to believe.

Out of Focus

Hebrews 10

(v. 1) The law (our actions, good deeds or bad) can make us worthy or perfect.
(v. 2-4) Our purification, God's discipline, is not to the end of becoming perfect or worthy, but it is for our own sake.
(v. 5-7) God's work and will in the world is what happens during this process of purification, sharpening.
(v. 8) Don't become distracted by the behaviors or what we're called to "do" but instead think of what God's larger purpose is.
(v. 9-10) God's "business" is not in making us perfect beings who do what He wants us to do but instead in drawing us to Him. It's not about the tasks but the goal.
(v. 11-14) While we focus day after day of the job of becoming what we want, getting what we want, perfection, we forget or ignore that God has already done the work of perfecting. While we are busy worrying about doing what is "right" or worth of God, we forget God Himself. God's end was never that we become perfect, because He has already accomplished the work of making us white as snow.
(v. 15-18) God is focused on relationship with us while we're busy trying to do what He's already done. "Sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary."
(v. 19-23) We should remember that we are already saved, already made perfect in His sight, so we should go to Him in confidence, knowing He is already at work in our lives. Let us focus on drawing closer to God rather than being what we think we should be or doing what we think we should do. We should also not be held back by guilt for sin that keeps us from God. He has already cleansed us, so we should not use that as an excuse for running from Him. Whatever happens as a result of our sin or our failures is no reason to give up on God, it is not evidence of His abandonment, because His work of saving us is not exclusive of His desire for relationship with us.
(v. 24-35) Our focus should instead be on one another, how we can encourage each other in light of this, that God is in pursuit of us.
(v. 26-27) If we live our lives in sin as if the work of sanctification/purification is not complete, without belief in God's continuing work in us, there is nothing but fear for judgment for those sins.
(v. 28-29) To live without acknowledging His work of salvation, to make us pure and worth in His sight, we are defacing God and the Son's work.
(v. 30-31) God has made sin his enemy, and it is not for us to win that battle ourselves. Our job is not to face sin alone but to face God.
(v. 32-34) Think back to when we suffered, whether on our own or with others, knowing this is not the end game. Our final days are not to be faced by sin but instead we hope to a future with God.
(v. 35) Don't let these things make you forget your hope and confidence in God, because that faith will be rewarded.
(v. 36) Persevere so that once you have endured this struggle with sin in an effort to draw near to God, we will be with God.
(v. 37) God is not delaying. He is coming.
(v. 38-39) His people, those who end up with Him, are those who hang on to faith. He will not share His joy with those who give up.


God, help me to see that I am focusing on the work of perfection, not even only for me and for him, for our relationship. Help me to see the futility in fighting for something that is not lasting and to fight instead to stay near to you, to persevere through the struggles with sin, to hang on to relationship with you. Even "accomplishing" a "good" marriage relationship will not be counted to my credit when I face you on that final day. Instead of focusing on the sin that we struggle with, help me to focus on your work already done, not only to make us pure and holy, but your work to draw us to you. Help me to see the worth in that, a faith in what is not seen, rather than in despairing over what I see here and now. Help me not to see struggle as a sign that you have forgotten me or to think that I have failed...I cannot fail if you have already won. Let me not think that way to excuse myself for ignoring or avoiding you. Let me instead focus on how you desire me to come to you. Help me to have that confidence in you, your love for me, and your victory over sin. Help me to remember that and to hang on to that confidence in the face of lies, pain, and loss.

Home Is Where the Misery Is

©Kris Van de Vijver

I recently had a conversation with a girlfriend about how easy it is for me to think negatively. It's ingrained in our culture to be self-deprecating, extremely critical, and severely hard on ourselves. Successes and achievements are rarely celebrated, and failures incite fainting spells, denunciation, and generally exaggerated scorn. When I spend time with someone with a genuinely positive and hopeful disposition, I'm often uncomfortable and relegate this attitude to "fakeness," but a recent encounter left me strangely refreshed and curious about why I find this type of person so unusual.

I'm the type of person who tends to dwell on worst case scenarios in a vain attempt to prepare myself for the worst. The logic behind this is that no matter what happens, I'll be prepared. If the worst doesn't happen, then I'll be pleasantly surprised. The reality is that after anxiously, agonizingly dwelling on all the horrifying things I can imagine might possibly happen, I'm still utterly destroyed by disappointment. So why is it, then, that my default pattern is to go into this pseudo-survival mode?

I've often heard that women in abusive relationships stay in those relationships out of a fear of leaving. It's not that they enjoy the abuse or even that they naively think the abuser might change, but they fear what might happen outside this relationship. While unpleasant and undesired, this relationship is what she knows best. She's got her survival plan down: she knows just how to do her makeup and just the right lies to tell to cover up the bruises and scars.

I'm in an abusive relationship with my own suffering. Misery has become by home. No matter how often I venture out and meet with joy, happiness, hope, I always return to the comfort of my dark, frayed home of depression, loneliness, and fear. I don't enjoy this torment, but I know it well. The shallow breathing, heart-wrenching pain, tear-stained sleeves, and swollen, blood-shot eyes are familiar. With any moment of peace comes the paralyzing fear of what might take it away again, so I let it go of my own accord.

What's often mistaken as over-sensitivity is actually a hypervigilance, an intense desire to avoid past pain. It's not skin so raw that it recoils at the smallest agitation. Rather, it's running away at the sight of the same blade that cut you so deeply once before. And it's not just an issue of not knowing how to be happy and how to hang on to that happiness. I also don't know how to just be sad. I get depressed. I'm not disappointed, I'm devastated. I'm not annoyed, I'm enraged. My home has no staircase. Either you're in the pit or you're not. So often, I don't even recognize that I'm happy or I let myself believe I'm miserable at the first sign of trouble.

How long does it take to break the chains of habit? Negativity can be as addicting as any drug out there, and I desperately want to get this monkey off my back. For me, the road to despair is well traveled, and I want out. Help me open my eyes that I might recognize my home is actually my prison.

Before Our Eyes

Life is moving pretty quickly for me these days, and it only looks like it will be getting busier. This means that I rarely have free nights where I'm not spending them catching up on one thing or another, whether it's laundry or cleaning or actual work-work.

I just realized the other day that the leaves are changing color already, and today's high is in the lower 60s! I brought my JACKET to work...The seasons are starting to change already and I feel like I'm moving at light speed and not moving anywhere at the same time. Being an all-or-nothing person, I'm worried that at some point, I'll just start doing everything badly or just give up. I need to rely on something other than coffee to get me through this busy time...

In lighter news, I'm having my handbag cleaned. Did you know Nordstrom does that? They actually send it out, but the Coach handbag I received for my birthday last year was my first one in a lighter color, and MAN was it getting gross. I'm looking forward to a happy reunion with it tomorrow. I wonder how many "good" handbags women usually have...this is mostly because I'm itching for a new one... new season new bag, no?

Celebrating Good Times

This weekend began the weeks-long celebration of my entrance into the third decade. Saturday, my hubby let me know that we'd be enjoying Carrie Underwood's concert from a nearby music festival. It was quite the surprise, considering he hates country music. We enjoyed a lovely evening of wine and great food, and even though we couldn't see the performance from where we were, it was definitely the kind of pampering and fancy I quite enjoy.

On top of that, the weather in Chicago's finally dipping below 80, inviting us to pull our sweaters and cardigans...and boots...and scarves...YAY!