What So Bad About That?

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I was recently reading an article about a certain celebrity who had a very public and violent break up with an ex, and she says she rediscovered who she was, what she wanted in life. She said that love is great, when you find it, but she wanted to find happiness in things other than love. I asked myself the question, "What's wrong with finding happiness in love?"

I feel like lately love's gotten such a bad rap. In women's collective pursuit of "finding who we are" outside of our marriages/relationships, I think we forget that it's just as easy to lose our identities in our careers, hobbies, and families. Who are you? I'm a project manager for Company X. Who are you? I'm a rock climber. Who are you? I'm X's mom. Who are you? I'm X's wife/girlfriend. Aren't all of these defining ourselves with outside things? Why is love the least of these?

Obviously, for the most part, people are talking about a total loss of who we are as individuals for the sake of pleasing someone else, for making someone else happy. Too many times we've seen our own girlfriends fall off the planet once they find their mate, never to be seen at a Girls' Night or Happy Hour ever again.

But it wasn't too long ago when we all swooned over the line in Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise pleads with Renee Zellweger to come back to him: "You...complete me." It's so "romantic" when a man says it, but when a woman says it, she appears shallow, lifeless, empty, sad. For creatures who adore socializing (Facebook), constantly seek to better work with others (endless surveys on communication and learning styles), and value a sense of local and global community (recent surges of grassroots nonprofit work and humanitarian aid), why do we insist on emphasizing that we're "individuals" in a life we were never really meant to walk alone. Do women like this certain celebrity just spout of these things to appear independent and powerful?

I can't help but think we're all on this planet to learn who we are through the different relationships we have, not the least of which is our relationship with our spouse or significant other. As much of an "all or nothing" girl that I am, I think it's a beautiful thing to devote your life to love and finding happiness in that love. I'm as career driven as the next. I've completed graduate level education. I've advanced in my career. But I wouldn't flinch to give all that up if we were financial capable to allow me to stay at home with my kids.

Obviously, I can't assume everyone who claims they want to be happy with themselves before finding happiness in someone else is full of crap. I guess I just wonder whether the concept has reached a point now where it's just become something to say and it's lost the real feminist quality it had when those words were first uttered. I suppose this is where Charlotte and Samantha collide.